#26 Just A Ramble: 'Cause I Deserve To
What's really going on? At 32 I am beginning to understand why the 30's are so much better than the 20's. I'm still young enough to do anything that I want to do, but I'm old enough not to want to do just anything. Even though this is just a ramble I'm not going to digress into self-congratulations and patting myself on the back. I'm just in a space where I'm taking time to taste the fresh breaths I'm blessed to be able to take. I have a lot of work ahead of me but that's fine. What is life if it isn't some kind of work?
I'm not saying that I'm defined by my job or that anyone should be. What I'm saying is that living is made good by working to live well. Not materialistically well but wholistically and especially spiritually well. Living in and striving toward the "light" is not simple, easy or a game, but rather it's a lifelong journey. The goal is not heaven(in my opinion). Actually there is no goal for this life because ultimatly we all end up dead. That is not fatalistic, it's just fact. There is no human being that has survived life and walked as an immortal upon the earth. Even Jesus, whom many believed rose from the dead didn't stay here. The journey is what matters. The lessons learned on the road with its myriad potholes, blockages, slopes and plateaus are the real point of life. Learning to navigate through those obstacles is the point of living.
Throughout life we'll set goals and hopefully we will achieve them. If we don't we must learn that the goal itself was just something to show us a more worthy goal. We can only fail by refusing to learn. Living takes care of itself. We breathe automaticlly. Our heart pumps unconsiously. We experience things whether we want to or not because it's impossible to cut off our senses(generally). The meat of life is in the how and the marrow of our existance is in the why. Our hows and whys change constantly, just like paths through the wilderness. Being on the right path or at least looking for it is more important than what's at the end of it.
There are so many times in my 20's that I achieved some goal only to feel empty. Once gotten the object of my desire never seemed to matter that much. What my 30's are teaching me is that the journey is what matters most. As I set new goals and work earnestly to achieve them I'm taking time to enjoy and pay attention to the journey. I've fallen in potholes, hit walls and gotten just plain lost enough to have developed some skill in avoiding those things. When I don't I'm able to overcome them with less difficulty. Thank God!
I'm a happier person in my 30's than I was in my 20's. All of the adolecent angst has burned itself off. Adolescent angst, although sometimes righteous, is usually unfocused and potentially destructive. It doesn't have enough wisdom behind it. Its like a forest fire. Immaturity and impulsivness are its fuel and its wind is a stupidity that twentysomethings seem to be the masters of. I'm not saying this out of arrogance. I'm saying it out of experience. I was one of the dumbest of the twentysomethings so I should know. Now that angst seems to be transforming itself. There are things that make me angry. There are things that I speak and write about because they concern me but I'm no longer being consumed by any fires. I finally understand the meaning of Rudyard Kipling's poem If. I see things as they are and act accordingly. If that's too esoteric for you, too bad. It is what it is.
I'm not saying that I'm defined by my job or that anyone should be. What I'm saying is that living is made good by working to live well. Not materialistically well but wholistically and especially spiritually well. Living in and striving toward the "light" is not simple, easy or a game, but rather it's a lifelong journey. The goal is not heaven(in my opinion). Actually there is no goal for this life because ultimatly we all end up dead. That is not fatalistic, it's just fact. There is no human being that has survived life and walked as an immortal upon the earth. Even Jesus, whom many believed rose from the dead didn't stay here. The journey is what matters. The lessons learned on the road with its myriad potholes, blockages, slopes and plateaus are the real point of life. Learning to navigate through those obstacles is the point of living.
Throughout life we'll set goals and hopefully we will achieve them. If we don't we must learn that the goal itself was just something to show us a more worthy goal. We can only fail by refusing to learn. Living takes care of itself. We breathe automaticlly. Our heart pumps unconsiously. We experience things whether we want to or not because it's impossible to cut off our senses(generally). The meat of life is in the how and the marrow of our existance is in the why. Our hows and whys change constantly, just like paths through the wilderness. Being on the right path or at least looking for it is more important than what's at the end of it.
There are so many times in my 20's that I achieved some goal only to feel empty. Once gotten the object of my desire never seemed to matter that much. What my 30's are teaching me is that the journey is what matters most. As I set new goals and work earnestly to achieve them I'm taking time to enjoy and pay attention to the journey. I've fallen in potholes, hit walls and gotten just plain lost enough to have developed some skill in avoiding those things. When I don't I'm able to overcome them with less difficulty. Thank God!
I'm a happier person in my 30's than I was in my 20's. All of the adolecent angst has burned itself off. Adolescent angst, although sometimes righteous, is usually unfocused and potentially destructive. It doesn't have enough wisdom behind it. Its like a forest fire. Immaturity and impulsivness are its fuel and its wind is a stupidity that twentysomethings seem to be the masters of. I'm not saying this out of arrogance. I'm saying it out of experience. I was one of the dumbest of the twentysomethings so I should know. Now that angst seems to be transforming itself. There are things that make me angry. There are things that I speak and write about because they concern me but I'm no longer being consumed by any fires. I finally understand the meaning of Rudyard Kipling's poem If. I see things as they are and act accordingly. If that's too esoteric for you, too bad. It is what it is.
posted by J.Bailey | 7:11 AM
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