#24 Children Don't Need Special Education, Children Need Standards

I work with elementary age children. My title is Student Advocate but my job is to supervise children who have made bad decisions and been sent out of the room. You could call me a glorified detention supervisor and that would be true, but it wouldn't be the whole truth. The biggest part of my job is helping children take responsibility for their actions and realize better choices and how to make them. The standard speech I give to my first time visitors tells them just that but I add that I will always tell them the truth and I will hold them to the same standard. If they don't understand what that means when I say it they surely understand by the time they leave. When I say that I expect for them to tell the truth I mean the whole truth. Whatever the action was that landed them in my room they have to be truthful about it, tell me what happened and take responsibility for their actions. I don't allow them to tell me what anyone else did or how anyone was doing the same thing and didn't get into trouble. I do not allow them to say anyone or anything made them do anything and I refuse to even entertain the idea that their predicament is anyone's fault but their own. I tell them that they are the only ones in control of their bodies, minds and mouths and that nothing just "happens".

As you may imagine I tell these children that much of what they say to me is not good enough or that their responses are inadequate and/or incomplete. When I hear them tell me a lie or a half-truth I tell them so and that they need to be honest. When they refuse to take responsibility I refuse to talk to them until they are ready to be honest. When they try to deflect blame or only tell half truths about any situtation, I put the focus squarly back on them. As far as I'm concerned they can sit and stew if they don't want to be all the way real about anything they have done to be sent to me. Whining, crying and any variety of fit is always met with stoicism and the message that the only acceptable attitude/action/paradigms in my classroom are honesty, respect and responsibility. Until they can accept and act from those standards they will be with me all day and we'll repeat the lessons the next day if necessary.

The children generally understand my standards and eventually even the most upset or uncooperative students are able to calm themselves down and take responsibility for their choices. After claiming their bad choice they have to outline alternative choices and list to whom they need to apologize. Talking about their choice with their teacher is the last thing to do. If they can't own up to their choice or want to deny what we aready know is the truth the process stops and we start again only when they think their ready. Sometimes the process is quick and sometimes it's arduous but it usually works. What's unfortunate is that many of them come back because of another incident. We begin the process again and work through it but the process and the processor (me) are always consistant.

Even though it isn't easy for most of the students that come to me I know that they appreciate the consistancy and the discipline I give to them. And that's not all that I do. I show my students a rounded person so I give out high-fives in the hallways, compliment them when they do a good job, tell them I'm proud of them when they do something that makes me proud, tell them to walk in straight lines, ask about their good and bad days, shepard them to their buses and all the other things that a responsible staff member at an elementary school should do. It isn't always a walk in the park. I get frustrated and my kids get frustrated but we stay honest and consistant. That makes all of the difference. Because of honesty and consistancy I've been able to forge relationships with a lot of students and very few in the school don't know my name or my expectations.

I've worked in education for a few years. I used to teach middle school and in all of that time I have found that approaching students honestly and expecting them to be at their best has always been the best approach. If you set high standards, kids aim for them and many make it. Young people want guidance and direction. They want to respect someone and to be given chances to earn respect. No one is perfect. Students and teachers share human flaws. I have found that being honest even about the flaws allows kids to more easily trust the things I tell them. These kids know that I'm a person who is willing to be a person, not just an authority figure sent to make their lives uncomfortable for no reason. If I make them uncomfortable it's for a reason--usually because they're being dishonest. In an uncertain world they know that I say what I mean and keep my promises.

Experience with teachers has led me to form some generalizations. They are not always true but unfortunatly they are true often enough to count. Many educators put up a facade to their students. They feign perfection and act as if life has never presented them with problems. Children know that's a lie and that's why they refuse to relate to so many teachers. Teachers play favorites, can be petty and immature and get very frustrated but they act like they don't. Teachers pay lip service to diversity, closing the achievement gap, helping all students succeed and holding all students to the same standards. Teachers respond to standardized tests by teaching to them and coaching classes through in the hopes to cook the numbers upwards. To many teachers don't see students as people. Fewer still see them as children begging for guidance and understanding in a cold world. Teachers don't recognize or acknowledge their own prejudices so it's impossible for them to mitagate them. Teachers tie their ego into their job instead of concentrating on what's best for kids. They follow trends instead of good sense and it's children who suffer. I could say much more but I won't because I feel myself slipping off of the point.

What children need from teachers, parents and all adult authority figures are standards. All the 21st century techniques and theories about behavior and psycho/socio babble are not helping children become productive and well rounded adults. There is enough blame to go around but the bottom of the thing is that kids can only be what they are made to be. In this society they are not expected to trust themselves or streatch themselves for anything. Parents want to be friends with their children or explain to them the psychology of their upbringing. No one understands how to say no and stick to it. Kids need to be denied. They need to understand delayed gratification and they need to understand how to take responsibility. No one is born knowing these things and no one can know them unless they are taught.

I am neither a conservative or a liberal. I am a realist. Ideology does little to solve problems. Action solves problems. In a society that is rife with them, I don't believe in excuses. I believe in standards and realistic goals. If you set a standard or a goal you strive toward it until it's met or achieved. If either is scaled back it must be because it is unrealistic in the short term. In that case you re-evaluate and take the steps necessary to get where you have aimmed to get. I don't know what made this nation forget that but it has and the results are tragic.

# 23 Keep the Music Free

I think that the current Supreme Court case arguing against peer-to-peer file sharing and seeking its regulation is ridiculous. It shows the sheer greed of the entertainment industry and their desire to so strictly control media distribution that innovation dies and competition is stifled to the point that only those with the blessing of the corporate leviathans ever get exposure. Let’s face it; the “industry” isn’t interested in art. They are interested in money. They could give a fuck less whether or not someone has talent. If they can package them and sell them they’ll do it. If the artist suffers or the product is sub-par, so what, just as long as it sells—at least for a while the industry is satisfied.

I don’t want to drop into a diatribe about corporations killing creativity though. I want to talk about the case and what’s real. I grew up on hip-hop music and learned to love it when it was on the fringes. I remember being 9 and 10 years old and laying awake nights listening to the radio trying to catch the songs I loved to record them. DJ commentary and all, those were the first mix tapes. If you could get the LP and your parents had the right system you could make tapes straight from the record player, static and all. I remember hearing groups like Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Run-DMC, Kurtis Blow and Whodini for the first time from these home-made mix-tapes. Everybody had them. And with the explosion of Boom Boxes (we just called them Boxes) and breakdancing we would pass around music through what would today be called piracy.

This so called piracy is what fed the popularity of hip-hop and without it Midwestern kids like me would never have been exposed. We had no equivalent to New York’s Hot 97 fm. We had no other contact to the culture except for the tapes, and a few pirate DJ’s with underground radio shows. Thank god for those because they gave me an eye into the outside world through music. I don’t think I bought a record until I was 12 or 13 years old but I always had music. Somebody would make a tape and if it was fresh(slang for cool circa 1987) I’d dub it. There was always access to a dual deck tape player. Blammmm-it was done, no muss no fuss no federal court case. How things change.

I also don’t understand the angst of the recording artists. They complain about being ripped off but the record companies only give them pennies per record they sell. Their most lucrative hustles from everything I understand are their shows and other endorsements. They do get paid when their record is played on the radio but if I buy a CD they get like 5 cents one time (and they say it’s people burning CD’s that cost them money—wake up and smell the ink on your contract.) It seems to me that the more accessible music is the more likely people will come and see performers do what they should be doing—perform. Maybe there are so many strictly studio performers or lazy entertainers or do nothing cult personalities out there that the money generated by record sales is all they can really count on. Maybe if they did a tour no one would come or if peer-to-peer file sharing got the blessing of the court people would realize that only 2-4 songs on most of these 25 track records are even worth listening to.
Time will tell and I hope with all my heart that the entertainment industry loses it’s case and sharing is validated. Drew Clark wrote a great article about it. Check it out and think about the damn thing.

#22 Peace Be Still

My mother has given me a lot of advice in my life and most of it has been good. Of all the things she's ever told me the thing that I return to time and time again is her admonishment to be quiet, stay still and listen for the small voice from inside that never leads me astray. My mother told me when I was 17 and about to go to college that she'd taken me as far as she could. She was my mother, but I didn't belong to her. She saw herself as the caretaker to God's property (no relation to Kirk Franklin-who by the way has a gospel workout tape,praise Jesus and pass the Atkins). As proprietor she had to teach me how to make good decisions, but ultimatly she couldn't make me do anything. Her job was to demonstrate the reality of consequence. Once grown, however, she couldn't , nor would she try, to guide my life. "Your decisions are yours. I raised you to be a man now you have to be one."



She has stayed true to her word. Mother is always there for me as emotional support and cheerleader, but she hasn't tried to tell me what to do since I was 17. She does tell me when she thinks I'm way off base or totally wrong but she never tries to impose her view. When I feel mixed up, confussed or like an unholy weight is bearing down she always says, "Peace. Be still and things will come to you. That's harder than it sounds sometimes but it's always right. When I have followed that advice things fell into place. When I don't take time to listen, or when I act contrary to what the small still voice says I go wrong. I don't remember any situation I've been in that has worked out because I got stressed out. I can, however, name many times that quiet introspection and faithful patience have shown me the way.

I look around at the children that I work with and it's easy to see that the concept of quiet reflection and listening to their inner selves is a foriegn concept. So many of them are caught up into instant gratification that any situation requiring patience, stillness or introspection makes them angry, upset and confused. I'm sure there are psycho/social/economic reasons for that but I'm not a psychologist, a sociologist or an economic theorist. All I know is what I see and interpret. It's clear that these children are surrounded by stressed out adults who don't know how to cope. Some of the children are abused as a result, others are neglected but all of them have the idea of life being a diversion and deep thought being a waste of time.

I wish I could make my mother into all of their mothers so she could advise and teach them to be still and at peace. I tell people all the time that it's impossible to talk and listen at the same time. That's true with whatever concept one has of god, and people tend to talk so much they drown out the sound of creation. Thank God that I can still hear and I thank my mother to for it's listening that will make all of the difference.

#21 Nigger: America's Favorite Pastime

"A rose by any other name..."
Shakespeare

"You can only be destroyed by believing you are what the white world calls a nigger."
James Baldwin

The word nigger and it's ebonic equivalent nigga are bones of contention in the mental framework of Black people and America at large. Seen as unforgivable slur if spoken by anyone but Blacks but when we (Black folks) use it, no one bats an eyelash. If anything its called a term of endearment and I know Black people that identify themselves as NIGGA's, are happy to be niggas and think nigga is a nationality. There are occasional uproars by so-called leaders, discussions and moments of publicized angst from the African-American upper class but on the ground in everyday language nigga comes out of black mouths faster than water moves across a hot greased skillet. I have met several Black people that detest and dont use the word but I've met vastly more who use it in their everyday speech. If the Black folks who don't use the word were questioned I would bet that they have used it before and I know that they have heard it used in everyday language by other Black people.

Is this what they think about you.....

......or what you think about yourself?

I know that white people use the word nigger. I have too many white friends who tell me so. Sometimes they use it as a slur but not always. The feeling that I get from the whites that tell me about other whites that use nigger when referring to Black people negatively is that they consider them ignorant and stupid. The problem is that those same whites don't challenge their friends when the word is whipped out. Ironically Black people don't challenge one another when we hear the word either. (Are we seeing a pattern yet?) Since rap music has become the nation's popular music and whites listen to it heavily, they have also started saying nigga. I had a discussion with a white dude who laid it on the line and said that he calls his close friends 'his niggas' and why shouldn't he. His point was that rappers throw the word around like clowns throwing candy at a parade. Our conversation went something like this:

White Guy: If it's so offensive, the rappers shouldn't say it. And if they can say it why shouldn't I?

Me: The rappers are black.

White Guy: So?

Me: Since we were slaves we have the right....

White Guy: You were never a slave. The rapper was never a slave. What does slavery have to do with it?

Me: Uhh? (automatic dropping into the argument that black people using the word nigga is different than nigger...blah blah blah)

After my explanation, which I refuse to go into here because it's beginning to sound stupid even to me, the white dude looked at me unconvinced and I stopped being offended at the thought of him calling his close friends 'his niggas'. I can't be one of 'his niggas' because hearing that come out of white peoples mouths directed at me just doesn't feel right. In fact, it would feel dirty. And he might get hit in the mouth.

The point is that the survival of the word nigger or nigga,(does the derivation even matter?), used to be in the hands of Black people. Since we saw fit to use it, it grew. As a thing grows it expands and now, even though we may hate it (and I'm not sure we do), nigga is everywhere. Black people didn't strangle the world after slavery and stick it back down the massa's throat during reconstruction. Instead we continued to use it and even call it a term of endearment. Now we have to deal with it coming out of everybody's mouth. But that's not exactly true. My mother told me that she rarely heard the word when she was growing up and that her father hated it and didn't allow it said in his presence. She said that the worst scolding she ever saw her brother get what when he called their older sister "nigger". I can't remember any of my grandparents using the word. So it seems that even if we didn't banish the word totally after slavery we didn't throw it around and identify with it either. This mass self-identification is relatively new.

If you think about it, it's simultaneously ridiculous and insidious. The word nigger originated with Middle Passage slavery. It was a way to dehumanized Black people and make it easier to transform them into slaves. Instead of being called men or women, the stolen people were called nigger(s). I would guess nigger was one of the first words many slave understood because it was what they were called by their captors. Nigger became the new identifier and Black people were forced to wear it like a collar around our collective throats. I believe that the label got accepted and identified with and that's why it survived. The problem with it is that its origins are in dehumanization.


Black people saying that we claim the word and it's a term of endearment is equivalent to having a steaming pile of shit in your kitchen. You see it, clean it up w/ a dry mop and then put the mop in the closet without rinsing it off. Suddenly you wonder why your house stinks. What's worse is that the word seems to be an addiction for Black people. As one of the addicted I know. The word nigga has fallen out of my life more times than I can count but that's going to stop.

While I was researching this post I searched google for images of nigger. It blew my mind. At the time of my search there were over 2100 images. Everything from the sickening cartoon I used above to Aunt Jemima to Bill Cosby. I found a racist site that had the cartoon I used and it pissed me off so much I didn't know what to do except for write. But it made me realize that the word nigger is not cute, it is not a term of endearment it is a hate word and a word designed to make me and my people less than human. It is a word that denigrates humanity and I have to let it go.

I cannot regulate what anyone else says or does but I have to give up the words nigger, nigga or any derivative of the two. It's a foul thing to say. It may take a minute but I'll burn it out of my vocabulary. That's the only right thing to do.

#20 If It Ain't One Thang It's A-Muthafuckin'-nother

Murphy's Law is always in effect. Amongst Black folks in America the saying goes: If it ain't one thang it's a-muthafuckin'-nother, meaning if it can happen it will happen so get ready for the shit to hit the fan. I've had a day like that today. It all started out well. I woke up early, exercised and watched the 5-Deadly Venoms, which is one of my all time favorites. I got to work ok and picked up a paper because there was an article about my magazine in it. Everything was cool until I had some of the most rowdy kids come to my room. I handle disipline cases at an elementary school and today the kids went crazy. I used to not think that kids need to be medicated-and in general I still believe that-but some of them need their pills-------seriously.

All of that cooled down by 2 o'clock or so but I was still uneasy. I expected that my magazine's website would be up by today. Of course--it wasn't. I checked once an hour-every hour and the shit was still parked at godaddy.com. I emailed the webdude, called him and sat on pins and needles all day. When I got a hold of him he wanted me to forward him some emails. The ones I knew I forwarded yesterday. But it turns out that even though he got them I hadn't even got the one he needed. So, I have spent the last hour on the phone between him and the hosting service finding out that some dumbass didn't follow up my hosting order and it will be 24-48 more hours before the site is up. Ain't that a bitch. It just goes to show that if it can get fucked up it will get fucked up.

The moral to the story is that as soon as I found out it was all fucked up, I didn't get mad. Hell it is what it is. No energy will be wasted on what I can't do anything about and at least I have a website to worry about. By the time anyone reads this it should be up, so check us out and I hope you enjoy.

#19 Freedom is Not Free

When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a man saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A man who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire . . . or preserve his freedom-----Malcolm X



I believe that there are only two types of people: slaves and freemen. Which you are depends totally and completely on what you do and how you conduct your life. It has nothing to do with what you say you are or portray yourself to be. It has nothing to do with the money in your pocket and the material goods you may or may not have. It cannot be bought, sold, traded or taught and can only be aquired through struggle. Freedom is a choice that has to be made and acted upon consistantly. Enslavement must be accepted to exist in one's life. Slavery and freedom aren't mutually exclusive and can be measured in degrees but one is always dominant. You can be free in one aspect of your life and a slave in another. However, a freeman that recognizes areas of enslavement in his life does what's needed to become free. Both slavery and freedom come with a price. If we chose freedom it has to be cultivated, nurtured and expanded--life must be lived. Choosing enslavement costs the opportunity for anything you may want in life. Slaves don't make decisions and take actions, they are put into situations and forced to react.



Every morning we wake up and greet life we have to choose whether or not to be enslaved or free. This may sound esoteric but it isn't. It is the truth regardless of our experiences, our race, our religion, creed, self-image or anything else that makes us an individual. The decision to be enslaved or free is one that we make everyday. It guides everything else that we do and shapes our lives. The choice may be conscious or unconscious but it gets made and that decision becomes the foundation of our lives. It dictates what we will do, how we will react and the level of our relationships with other people, ourselves and whatever we percieve to be the power greater than ourselves.

The acceptance of enslavement gives us a life framed by dependance. Freedom is independance. Enslavement is making excuses and freedom is taking responsability. Freedom is doing what needs to be done even when it's difficult. Enslavement is looking at how other people messed up your life and wallowing in how hard "they" have made it for you. Freedom is forgetting about all the "they's", looking at self and figuring out what needs to happen to move forward.



To truly be free is to actively examine life and change as necessary. The change is the hardest thing to do. We have all been slaves to something in our lives and slavemasters don't give up their property without a fight. The wild shit is that the fight is within us and all we have to do is act on the decision to be free and we will be free. It's that simple. However, simplicity and ease are two different things. Follow through can be a bitch. When one does follow through, the floodgates open. The more you look at life and take control of it, the more you see in need of control. It's at this point you find out what you're made of. A truly free man gets it done, especially when it's uncomfortable. And when more pops up to do, he just does what's necessary. Free people aren't perfect by any means. Free people struggle with their freedom because it's not an easy thing. It takes attention and diligence and determination. More than anything it takes honesty and most people don't like being honest. It's easier to blame, whine, cry, bitch & moan than to straighten your backbone and do--regardless of the limitations or the hardships. Freemen learn life's greatest lesson daily--this existance is a gift to be appreciated and used because it isn't promised and it's going to end.

Slaves only see the hardships. Slaves see their chains and cling to them even though they hate them. The chains of excuses, blaming, backbiting, infighting, selfishness, following others, irresponsibility, dreaming and never acting, thinking and never doing, dependancy and anything that anyone attributes to their "CAN'T", keep slaves enslaved. Slaves lean on excuses and point fingers but they never--NEVER, look inward and stand up for self. That takes more than they are willing to give. That takes responsibility.

No one is perfect and as I said before slavery and freedom aren't mutually exclusive, but one is always dominant. When we look at our lives we know that there are different facets and degrees. As dynamic beings we change. We must steer that change and pay the price to be as free as we can be every day of our lives.

#18 Say It Loud: Still Black and Proud

In the introduction to this blog I specifically call myself Black as opposed to African-American but I don't explain what that means. Many people might say that there isn't a difference, but there is a distinct difference. Actually there are several differences. The differences between Blacks, African-Americans, Niggas, Negroes and AfriKans is another essay all by itself. I'll just clarify why no "identifier" suits me except for being Black(notice the capitalization)

I was born Black. My parents were ex-revolutionaries who embodied the "Black is Beautiful" ethos. They didn't wear berets and give black power salutes every five minutes but there was an appreciation for "Blackness" that permeated our home. There were paintings of and by black people, books that explored varied subjects but centered on Black people and above all there was a palpable feeling that being Black was being blessed. Regardless of where my parents were, they were proud to be who they were, and they understood that unlike negro, colored or the other monikers given to the descendents of slaves in America, black was an identity chosen by black people, not assigned by whites. Black, a traditionally negative word/description was snatched out of the universe and worn on the lapel of anyone that was "conscious". By referring to themselves as Black people they forced the world to recognize that those who had been slaves weren't slaves anymore. The word was instantly upended and what was seen as negative became a positive. Black was a declaration of being and the upturning of a negative perception into a positive identity. I was born into that identity. I don't think anyone I grew up near even used the words colored or negro. That shit was as foreign to me as white people tellin' my father what to do in his own house and that never happened.



In 1984, Jesse "Baby-Daddy" Jackson made a rousing speech at the Democratic Convention. I don't know what he talked about but I do know that was the birth of the phrase African-American. I didn't like that shit from the moment I heard it. It sounded generic and weak to me. Even though people, black people, started using it and it began to creep into the popular lexicon, the term African-American(for the purpose of time and space I'll use A-A for short) seemed like a step backwards. There was Jesse on the podium smilin' and grinnin' and starting a popular debate among people about this new hyphenated phrase. I guess he thought that the crack epidemic, unemployment and the teen pregnancy rate weren't that important, or at least not as important as a racial name change. Thanks Jesse for setting a standard for us all--grinnin bastard.

Black is universal, ubiquitous, powerful and infinite. African-American is...well, hyphenated and that's the best I can say. As a descriptor it's as accurate as any of the racial/ethnic hyphenations. It's problem is in it's narrowness. Even though it's an accurate description of slave descendents in the US it cuts us off from the rest of the diaspora. Although it may be an accurate description it is a narrow definition for our people and I hardly ever use it. What's worse is that it confuses children. If you don't think so I challenge you to get a picture of Nelson Mandela show it to anyone born after 1984 and ask his ethnicity. At least 8 out of 10 respondents will call Mandela African-American. I've done it and it's scary. What that tells me is that the A-A designation is worse than generic. No Black person from the continent wants to be A-A in the first place and that description robs them of their history and places them in a pot they don't belong in.

It could be argued that Black is generic too and it is but there is one vital difference. Black is flexible and inclusive. Nelson Mandela will never be African-American, but he'll be Black forever. Some could say that being A-A is a way to claim and combine the unique perspectives and history that produced and shaped black people in the US. I do believe that may have been one of the points Jesse was trying to make. The reason I don't buy it personally is that the whole western hemisphere was covered with stolen Africans and their decendents. There is no country on this side of the Atlantic that was not touched by slavery and there is no country that does not have the marks of the slave trade all over it. Even Canada, who abolished slavery and slave trading relativly early, still feels its effects because slaves would run there to be free. The history of black slavery is not just the history of the civil war, abolitionists, Frederick Douglas et. al., and reconstruction. It isn't a story just told in English either. Blacks in the USA are just a part of a larger story. It is a story of 4 continents, dozens of countries, untold numbers of African ethnic groups, and culture that still binds us together.



I don't get offended when I hear A-A, nor do I correct people when they say it. My position isn't to re-evangelize the term Black and make everyone follow my lead. No-that's Jesse Jackson's job and he has kids to feed. My preference is personal and internal. I am an American citizen-and always will be, but that's not all I am. I am smart enough to know that there are cultural connections that I share with Black people all over the world. Our specific histories may be different but we all spring from the same well. I am a child of Africa and America but just jamming those words together does nothing to make me more of either. I'm Black in America, in Europe, in Africa, in Asia and if I went to Antarctica I'd still be Black--and Black people understand.