#2 Poetry: February 25th (a dedication to Josephine-my Grandmother)

February, 25th
(a dedication to Josephine)
copyright 2005 J.Bailey

I look at the faces of children and see your essence behind their smiles
I can’t believe it’s been 4 years
Things have moved so quickly since I last drank from your fountain
Stealing sips of your substance by sneaking drips of every glass of water you ever drank in my presence
You are cracker-jacks and hot water cornbread
You are Nashville, California, Germany and finally St. Louis
You are smooth black skin and wavy hair and silver hairpins
And breakfast every morning
You are a smile as calm as the sea
Wisdom framed by the horizon
You are the tears of joy after a life lived with no regrets
And even though I am crying as I write this
I feel no sadness in my remembrance of you
How could I be sad when you have only returned to God

I celebrate this day
It is the anniversary of your reunion with your best Friend/Love/Husband
Bryant was the undisputed head of his family
But you were its backbone, its engine
&
the axis tilting it toward the sun of love
You understood that inspired respect lasts longer than anything received through demands
That a quiet mind, a knowing look and enduring faith that all expectations and needs will be met is enough to raise children who have centers that will hold even after you must go

Now that you are gone we travel on knowing we are not alone
Neither are you
You never were
Born into roaring 20’s
A teenager in the Depression
Wife and mother during WW2
Through the Harlem Renaissance, the UNIA, segregation, Brown v. Board, Langston Hughes, Civil Rights Movements, Vietnam, Presidential assassinations, before-during-after MLK, Malcolm X, Vietnam, disco, the NAACP, bellbottoms, legal lynchings, afros, jerry curls, the Motown sound, riots in Watts, Chicago, Miami, South Central, the Black Panther Party, Tennessee State University, the internet, radio to TV to cable TV to MTV/BET and your favorite shopping channel, your children’s marriages and divorces, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, the too soon deaths of your husband and your first born—you stood and lived and loved and radiated the infinity of existence
With nothing less than grace, elegance and class


In a time of my own trouble I asked you how it was that you did it
How was it that you stayed calm when life became a convergence of circling vultures
You said “I just hold on to faith—and know”
My mother repeated the wisdom when she told me that
During lean times she’d supplied the needs of two children, bought a house and took care of some folks that should have been taking care of themselves through faith alone
And that it was you, her mother, that taught her that knowing is absolute and never falters
When you believe there is no room for doubt
So as I discover my own faith I find your face looking back at me
Saying
I told you
Truth is truth

That was your best gift to me
So today I celebrate your life
I am grateful that I spring from your fountain and revel in the knowing that
No matter how far my branches spread
You are the depth of my taproots

We love you Mother



I forgot to mention in my first post that I am a writer, poet, teacher and spoken word artist. The preceeding poem was written last friday. It was the forth anniversary of my grandmother's death. I love you still mama.
Jason

#1 Welcome to My Life: The World in 1 hand a Pile of Shit in the Other:

What's up folks--if anyone chooses to read this--if not what's up to me. Do ya like my title? It's the realest analogy for my life, hell life in general, that I could think up. It represents the dichotomy of being and the choices that we make. We can grasp the world or feel shit drip between our fingers. Well my friends, I'm pretty finished smelling the shit. At 32 I've come to understand that it's all about the choices that we make. I conciously choose to streach myself. That's what this blog is about--concious choice and love of self.



I didn't know what a blog was 6 months ago and I consider myself a writer. Being a good writer doesn't you're not ignorant of some things. Besides, I was concentrating on the pile of poo I was holding on to. I spent so much time involved in the wrong shit, so to speak, that I forgot about the world. To make a long story short I have been focused on the wrong shit since I left college and now my focus has changed. I want to feel like I wasted a lot of time but I don't feel that way. I believe that everything in my past has brought me to this point and right now I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

That's not to say that I don't realize my shortcomings or that I won't admit that I could have been proactive 5 years ago. I know all of that and I acknowledge it, but I can't dwell on it. This is a new day, a new now and a new moment that is full of possibility. I don't intend on letting moments pass me by anymore.
What's really deep is that I don't even care what people think. I understand that what I think is what's important. I hope people look at, read, understand, respect and respond to this blog but I know that isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is that I get it out truthfully and mark my existance with a contribution. This is just a part of it.



Back to the analogy of the world in one hand and shit in the other--Well my philosophy leads me to think that putting my hands together is my best bet. Philisophically the world represents my present and future. It is the possibility of greatness. The shit is my past. It is all of the things that I've concentrated on instead of paying attention to the world. It's the mess I thought life was. By putting my hands together I complete myself. I can't deny the past but I have to accept and understand it to have a full present and future. The shit is just fertilizer that helps my growth in my world.
J.Bailey the KingPen